McDaniel Contracting Inc humor

	McDaniel Contracting Inc. 3884 Jodeco Rd. • McDonough, GA. 30253 • Telephone 770-914-6767 • Fax 770-914-6769 1-888-919-6767
Main Page History Our Services References Accounting Contact Us Information Services Webmaster Accounting Humor	Under Construction Who would think a contractors site would be under construction !! Ok we have got a new one for you to see. click here to see what we have found now !!! The Story of Three Contractors Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. One was from New York, another from Texas, and the third from Florida. At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living. When they all replied that they were contractors, the guard said, "Hey, we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don't you guys take a look at it and give me a bid?" So, to the back fence they all went to check it out. First to step up was the Florida contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, "Well I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me." Next was the Texas contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and said, "Looks like I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me. Without so much as moving, the New York contractor said, "$2,700." The guard, incredulous, looked at him and said, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?" "Easy," he said $1,000 for me, $1,000 for you and we hire the guy from Texas." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Contractor in Heaven A contractor dies on a fishing accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band. Saint Peter runs over, shakes his hand and says "Congratulations!" "Congratulations for what?" asks the contractor "Congratulations for what?" says Saint Peter. "We are celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old." "But that's not true," says the consultant. "I only lived to be forty." "That's impossible," says Saint Peter, "we added up your time sheets." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Six Phases of a Project ENTHUSIASM DISILLUSIONMENT PANIC SEARCH FOR THE GUILTY PUNISHMENT OF THE INNOCENT PRAISE & HONORS FOR THE NON-PARTICIPANTS ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Construction Definitions CONTRACTOR - A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal! BID OPENING - A poker game in which the losing hand wins. LOW BIDDER - A contractor who is wondering what he/she has left out. ENGINEER'S ESTIMATE - The cost of construction in Heaven. CRITICAL PATH METHOD - A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control. OSHA - A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, split hairs, red tape and baloney - usually applied at random with a shot gun. STRIKE - An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken. DELAYED PAYMENT - A tourniquet applied at the pockets. COMPLETION DATE - The point at which liquidated damages begin. LIQUIDATED DAMAGES - A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ BLONDE CONSTRUCTION WORKERS Two blondes were working on a house. The one who was nailing down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in. The other blonde, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?" The first blonde explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed TOWARD me, I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the HOUSE, then I nail it in!" The second blonde got really upset and yelled, "You MORON!!! The nails pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the OTHER side of the house!!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Blonde Handyman A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari." HOW TO CONTACT US OFFICE: 770-914-6767 (IF NO ONE IS IN YOUR CALL WILL TRANSFER TO VOICE MAIL.) FAX: 770-914-6769 (DEDICATED 24 HOURS A DAY) E-MAIL: services@mcdanielcontracting.com One last note, We do have the MLS, HUD/VA, FREDDIE MAC AND FANNIE MAE KEYS for access to homes. Also, all of our vehicles are equipped with two way radio service for fast response to changing conditions. Thank you for considering us for your repair needs. Sincerely, Joseph McDaniel McDaniel Contracting, Inc.

McDaniel Contracting Inc.
3884 Jodeco Rd. • McDonough, GA. 30253 •
Telephone 770-914-6767 • Fax 770-914-6769
1-888-919-6767

Main Page

History

Our Services

References

Accounting

Contact Us
Information
Services
Webmaster
Accounting

Humor

Under Construction

Who would think a contractors site would be under construction !!

Ok we have got a new one for you to see.
click here to see what we have found now !!!

The Story of Three Contractors

Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. One was from New York, another from Texas, and the third from Florida.

At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living. When they all replied that they were contractors, the guard said, "Hey, we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don't you guys take a look at it and give me a bid?"

So, to the back fence they all went to check it out.

First to step up was the Florida contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, "Well I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."

Next was the Texas contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and said, "Looks like I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.

Without so much as moving, the New York contractor said, "$2,700."

The guard, incredulous, looked at him and said, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

"Easy," he said $1,000 for me, $1,000 for you and we hire the guy from Texas."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A Contractor in Heaven

A contractor dies on a fishing accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band.

Saint Peter runs over, shakes his hand and says "Congratulations!"

"Congratulations for what?" asks the contractor

"Congratulations for what?" says Saint Peter. "We are celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old."

"But that's not true," says the consultant. "I only lived to be forty."

"That's impossible," says Saint Peter, "we added up your time sheets."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Six Phases of a Project

ENTHUSIASM
DISILLUSIONMENT
PANIC
SEARCH FOR THE GUILTY
PUNISHMENT OF THE INNOCENT
PRAISE & HONORS FOR THE NON-PARTICIPANTS

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Construction Definitions

CONTRACTOR - A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal!

BID OPENING - A poker game in which the losing hand wins.

LOW BIDDER - A contractor who is wondering what he/she has left out.

ENGINEER'S ESTIMATE - The cost of construction in Heaven.

CRITICAL PATH METHOD - A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.

OSHA - A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, split hairs, red tape and baloney - usually applied at random with a shot gun.

STRIKE - An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.

DELAYED PAYMENT - A tourniquet applied at the pockets.

COMPLETION DATE - The point at which liquidated damages begin.

LIQUIDATED DAMAGES - A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

BLONDE CONSTRUCTION WORKERS

Two blondes were working on a house. The one who was nailing down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in.

The other blonde, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"

The first blonde explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed TOWARD me, I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the HOUSE, then I nail it in!"

The second blonde got really upset and yelled, "You MORON!!! The nails pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the OTHER side of the house!!"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Blonde Handyman

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.

The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

HOW TO CONTACT US

OFFICE: 770-914-6767 (IF NO ONE IS IN YOUR CALL WILL TRANSFER TO VOICE MAIL.)

FAX: 770-914-6769 (DEDICATED 24 HOURS A DAY)

E-MAIL: services@mcdanielcontracting.com

One last note, We do have the MLS, HUD/VA, FREDDIE MAC AND FANNIE MAE KEYS for access to homes. Also, all of our vehicles are equipped with two way radio service for fast response to changing conditions.

Thank you for considering us for your repair needs.

Sincerely,

Joseph McDaniel

McDaniel Contracting, Inc.

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